


Winter

by pcrrycox



Category: Scrubs (TV)
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-30
Updated: 2017-01-30
Packaged: 2018-09-20 20:50:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9514784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pcrrycox/pseuds/pcrrycox
Summary: Perry finds himself relying on JD after Ben's death perhaps a little too much.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Title comes from the song that plays during Ben's funeral in 3x14: Winter by Joshua Radin. Listen to it, cry, then thank me.

              I’d been through plenty of losses in my life, but none had hurt so deeply as losing Ben.  Even when Jordan and I had agreed after months and months of endless fighting – and then the inevitable _end_ to the fighting because neither of us had the energy anymore – to go our separate ways, it hadn’t affected me this much.  But Ben… he’d been my best friend, a man with whom I had such an effortless friendship that I doubted I would ever find that with someone else again.  No matter how long we went without seeing each other, we were always able to pick up right where we left off.  Now he was gone.

              I wondered how Jordan was doing with the whole thing, but at least she had her sister and her banshee of a mother.  Me, well, I had Carla, I supposed, and by extension, her ridiculous excuse for a surgeon fiancé.  By that way of thinking, I had Newbie, too, but I doubted he was feeling very supportive of me seeing as I had blamed him for Ben’s death.  Deep down, I knew the kid had done everything he could – he always did when it came to his patients.  Truthfully, that was something I admired about him, and it was the reason why I trusted him, not that I told him often, if at all.

              That was why I was surprised when he came to Ben’s funeral with me.  He claimed it was because Jordan had called to make sure I was going to show up, but I suspected there was more to it than that.  I should have known better – it was in JD’s nature to, well, _nurture._ He wanted to take care of me, make sure I was all right.  The joke was on him, though.  I wasn’t sure I’d ever feel all right.

              I wasn’t able to keep my emotions in during the service.  The tears had come and I didn’t have it in me to try and stop them.  It was then that I felt his hand on my shoulder, along with Jordan’s.  The former was the one that resonated with me for reasons I couldn’t understand.  Jordan’s touch was familiar, even if we hadn’t been together in years.  Newbie’s was more foreign, and while I was certain he felt a sense of exhilaration from being allowed to touch me, I found myself not wanting him to pull away.

              And _that_ was why I had dragged the kid into a spare room at Jordan’s place.  I couldn’t handle the crowd and the pitying looks and the well-wishers anymore.  I’d started to feel claustrophobic when I spotted him lingering in a corner, looking lost.  Turk and Carla had headed back to the hospital, leaving him alone in a sea of strangers.  I caught his eye and ever-so-slightly gestured toward the hall off the living room that led to a spare bedroom.  Jordan and I had used it a time or two, but that was the last thing on my mind when I pulled JD in with me, shutting and locking the door.

              His blue eyes were wide as I backed him up against the door, crowding him.  “Dr. Cox,” he whispered, but I couldn’t bear to hear his voice.  I wanted silence.

              “Don’t talk,” I murmured, and judging by the softening of his expression, he heard the desperation in my voice.

              He had the good sense to listen to me and slowly, almost timidly, he raised a hand until it curled around the back of my neck and pulled me in close for a kiss.  It seemed to happen in slow-motion, the way his lips met mine with a tenderness that broke my heart even further.  It lasted so long that I lost track of how many times we’d broken apart for a momentary breath before resuming the kiss.  My hands found their way to his waist and I pulled him closer until we were pressed up against each other, his back flush against the door.

              I knew that I was using him, and I figured he knew that, too, but he didn’t seem to have any objections.  Finally, I began pulling him further into the room, toward the bed.  If he showed any resistance, I’d let him leave without any questions, but I hoped with all my heart that he wanted this just as badly as I _needed_ it.  I barely broke the kiss as I backed him up onto the bed, lowering him down slowly.  I felt his arms wrap around my neck, keeping me so close to him that our chests were touching.  I could feel him, already hard, against my thigh and realized that he _did_ want this.  I was too invested now to deny him anything. 

              I kissed him harder then, lowering my hips down onto his and rolling them slowly.  Something about this called for a slower pace, despite how desperate I was to really feel him.  He sucked in a breath against my lips at the feel of me and I felt him arch up in perfect rhythm with the movement of my hips.  We were both still wearing our suits, both of us panting and sweating.  I continued to rock against him, circling one of my arms beneath him to the small of his back to pull him up against me. 

              He began to whimper every so often and I could tell he was holding back louder moans.  Part of me wondered what he’d sound like when he really let go and if we were doing more than just grinding against one another.  The thought served only to spur me on and I sped up, letting out a low moan into his mouth.  His arms left my neck and his hands flew to my backside, pulling me down against him harder and faster.  I was almost surprised by his daring, but I supposed I’d lost the ability to intimidate him now.  I found I didn’t mind.

              “Oh, god,” he whimpered, his eyes shut tightly and his mouth dropping open against mine.  “We’re still – dressed.”

              I shushed him, moving my lips to kiss along his jaw down to his neck, which he’d left open to me as his head fell back.  “Don’t care,” I grunted, moving even faster as I latched onto the soft skin of his throat.  I supposed in other circumstances, it’d be more than a little embarrassing to be this close from what we were doing, but I couldn’t bring myself to care, especially with the way he was grabbing at me and arching up.

              I felt his hips jerk against mine, falling out of rhythm, and knew he was as close as I was.  He moaned softly, breathlessly, as I lifted my head to reclaim his red, swollen lips.  I silenced him with the kiss, muffling the moans he let out as he came.  He clawed at my back, gripping me even more tightly than before.  I was just moments behind him, threading my free hand into his hair and pulling, our kiss all teeth and tongue.  I came hard and instantly knew I would be uncomfortable until I could get home and change, but I deemed that it had been more than worth it.

              We slowly stopped rocking together, both of us still breathing hard.  Suddenly and inexplicably, I felt a sob rising in my chest and it was all I could do to keep it in.  The resulting sound I let out was embarrassing and I hoped he would just ignore it.  Instead, I felt him press a gentle, barely-there kiss to my cheek as he wrapped his arms back around me.  He didn’t speak, and for that I was grateful.  He just held me while I buried my face against his neck, eyes shut tightly in an attempt not to cry again. 

              He’d been a good distraction, but it hadn’t lasted nearly long enough.  Realistically, I knew I couldn’t keep running from what I felt, but I’d be damned if I wasn’t going to try.  Still, I couldn’t quite bear to break away from the kid, not yet.  If he could help me forget for even just a few minutes at a time, I wanted to keep him around.  I wasn’t sure if he’d be up for that, though.

              “JD,” I murmured, lifting my head to look at him – to _really_ look at him for the first time that day.  I noticed the bags under his eyes.  I wondered if they were because of me, of what I’d said to him.  He looked back at me, clearly waiting for me to continue.  I supposed I should say something else.  “Thank you.”

              He gave me a soft, sad smile.  “I would have thought you’d know by now,” he breathed, running a hand back and forth over my back.

              I raised my eyebrows just slightly.  “Know what?”

              “Perry, I don’t follow you around because I like when you call me girls’ names and yell at me.  I follow you around because I like being with you and I like when you occasionally decide to be nice to me.  So I’ll take what I can get and you don’t have to thank me.”

              It occurred to me that that might have been the first time JD had really told me exactly what he felt when he wasn’t persuading me to help him with a patient.  I felt a rush of affection – and pity – for him in that moment.  Of course he’d take what he could get because all I did on a daily basis to him was ride his ass and push him harder than I should.  I could see the potential he had, a potential I rarely saw in the interns and residents that roamed the halls.  I treated him poorly, I knew it all along, but it was easier to distance myself from him that way and not feel for him what I’d always known I did.

              “You might just get a little more from now on,” I said under my breath, knowing full well he’d hear me, as I leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to his full lips.

              He seemed surprised when I pulled away.  I’d given him a reply he hadn’t expected.  I hadn’t really expected it myself, and I knew he deserved better, but if being with him like this made me feel a little more whole, I decided I wanted to take a chance. 

              “If you want it, that is,” I finished, my eyes locked on his. 

              He was still for several moments, just looking back at me, probably trying to discern whether or not I was joking.  “I want it,” he finally whispered.  “More than anything.”

              With that, I decided I’d never say no to him again.


End file.
